ALERT: Stream of consciousness post, proceed at your own risk!
I know I keep acting like I am an empty nester, when I really do have one child still at home, and you may be thinking, ”she’s just a poser”. Well, that is true. My youngest son is still home. But, he attends community college for both high school and college credits, and he works about 30 hours a week, mostly weekends. So, in reality, I rarely ever see him. And, let’s face it, he’s a boy. Boys don’t need their mamas the way girls do.
And, I know when he really does leave, I want to be prepared. I don’t want to be one of those moms who was totally unprepared for the empty house, the sadness and most specifically the lack of purpose. Throughout most of my life, I knew my purpose; child, student and kick-ass business woman. Before kids, I had a pretty impressive career, and I loved it! I worked for a large data processing company, doing everything from business analyst, to COBOL programmer (totally dated myself there!), to systems engineer manager. I wore suits to work every day, led people and managed a P&L. It’s what I went to school for, and moved half way across the country for. Then, after about 8 years, and 2 kids, I knew that wasn’t how I was supposed to be spending my days. I knew, when I pulled into the parking lot of my building and cried for 10 minutes before heading into my office, this was not the calling God had for me in this season. This was not supposed to be my life at that time.
I wasn’t giving work what it needed, and I wasn’t giving my family what they needed. I wasn’t showing up right for anyone in my life. It was time to make a change. Oh my gosh! Do I admire those women who can do both! They are the heroes to me! To find passion in their work and come home and show up for their kids and spouse. I wanted so bad to be that woman. But, it wasn’t in me. Work did not give me joy anymore. I was so exhausted when I got home, I couldn’t find joy in the mom part either. And, the wife part…take a number hon, I’ll get to you when I can. So, after a review of our finances, we figured out we could make it work for me to be a stay-at-home mom. Guys, in my wildest dreams I never thought I would be a stay-at-home mom. Y’all, I’m a Type 3 on the Enneagram; The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: Adaptable, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious. Staying home, volunteering and keeping house was NOT how I envisioned my life when I was 10, 18, or 23 years old. But, when I was 31 that was EXACTLY what I was supposed to be doing. And, for 19 years, that’s what I did. THAT was my purpose. And, I don’t regret it for a single moment. The most joyous memories of my life were during those 19 years.
But that season of my life is quickly changing, and here I am, on the verge of this new chapter trying to figure out my new purpose and new joys in my life. I have many friends who have blazed this trail for me, and I admire them so much! I have a friend who went back to her passion of singing and acting, which she put on hold with kids at home, and now she participates in local theater. I have another friend who is competing in triathlons. This will never be me, but so impressed by her! I have another who spends her time traveling all over the world with her husband, and I can’t wait for her Instagram posts to see where she is off to next.
Me…I’m still figuring that out. In the meantime, I will just work on being a better me and showing up for me. For so many years, my identity was wrapped up in others and their needs. I was so great at being a martyr and putting myself last. Actually, I probably could have won an award for it. “Look what a great mom, wife, volunteer I am, I will put all of you first and ignore myself.” Who did that actually serve? What example was that for my children, specifically my girls? Well, I can’t go back and change that Susan, but the great thing is, it’s never too late to make a change. And, this season, it’s all about me, so hop on board or get left behind! I know…so cliché, but if the cliché fits…
What are you doing to rekindle a passion or figure out your new purpose?
