I admittedly play the martyr when it comes to self-care. It became a bad habit early in my life when I gave everything I had to my husband, children, work, house, volunteering, you name it. I did it all, and excelled in it. And poor, poor, pitiful me. I never had time to take care of myself. As I look back now, and become my own Monday morning therapist, I can see it was me trying to prove my love to my family and say “Look at me, look at all I do for YOU. Aren’t I the best wife, mother, employee? No one can be as good at this as me!” That’s the #3 Enneagram in me…needing validation. Can you tell I’m just a little obsessed with the Enneagram?
I digress. So, in this new stage of my life, I am focusing a little more on self-care, and being less of a martyr. It’s really not a good look on me anyway, so time to let it go. But, here is my struggle with all of the typical self-care routines many women swear by:
- Massages – Please don’t judge, but I just don’t like them! It could stem back to the first one I ever had at a spa in Munich, Germany. It has to do with the German’s complete lack of inhibitions, my modesty and several people walking into my massage room when I was disrobed. It was a lot for my Midwestern sensibilities. My husband purchased 3 massage gift certificates almost 3 years ago for my birthday. I still have 2 left. I wonder if they are even valid anymore.
- Facials – I have had two professional facials in my life, and honestly, not impressed. I am a consultant for a skin care and beauty company, and I have great products and do take care of my skin. So…no thanks. I’m self-critical enough of myself, I don’t need you telling me how big my pores are and how deep my wrinkles are, because they’re not.
- Baths – Now, I do enjoy a nice bath, a good book, a glass of wine. But, does anyone else feel like they need to shower after a bath? It’s nice while I’m in there soaking, but then if I start thinking about how I’m sitting in the water that is rinsing all the gunk off of me. I need to stop thinking.
- Take a run – Ok, this just cracks me up that some women consider this self-care. I WISH I was a runner. I wish I loved it. But, there isn’t a good enough sports bra out there for me to be a runner. Enough said.
What I have realized over my 50-something years is that self-care is highly personal. It’s not the same for everyone. And that’s ok. I am slowly figuring out what self-care means to me. Here’s my current list of 10 things I’m working on to rejuvenate and refresh myself:
- Quiet time – I regularly get up early before everyone else and enjoy a cup of coffee and quiet time. I use this time to journal, read my bible, read a book. It starts my day off right.
- Being intentional with friendships – Two of my favorite sayings are: “You’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with”- Jim Rohn and “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” – Proverbs 27:17. I’m working on my circle of friends and really trying to cultivate great friendships with women who lift and support each other, who make me be a better friend, wife, mother, Jesus follower.
- Removing toxic people from my social media accounts – Social media can be good or bad depending on who you follow, friend, like. I’m in the process of culling my accounts to feed myself positive, helpful information, rather than negative and toxic messages.
- Giving up Diet Coke – Check out my journey here, on how I cracked this 35 year habit.
- Getting 30 minutes of activity daily – Yes, I work out, but if I don’t, I’m promising myself 30 minutes of some kind of activity. Walking the dogs, gardening, you get the picture.
- Joined a book club – We are on our 3rd book, and I am thoroughly enjoying the books and this group of women.
- Joined a bible study – I joined an established group of women who are my age, and in my stage of life. It’s great having women who know what I am going through and pray for me and my family daily.
- Started a gratitude journal – I start the day by writing down 5 things I am grateful for. Sometimes it’s deep & insightful, sometimes I’m just grateful for a hot cup of coffee. I’m going to begin incorporating this at night before I go to bed as well.
- Started Self-Care Sunday at home – I give myself a facial, give my hair some extra love with a hydrating mask and treatments and give myself a manicure.
- Spending more time outside – I live in the south, so most of the year it’s tolerable to be outside. Fresh air and sunshine refreshes and restores me.
So, how do you take care of yourself? Comment below!
